You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
