I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
