If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
