those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
