I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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