I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
