Hey man sorry I got all grabby
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
