Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
