the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Randomize
