Do you still have your period?
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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