it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
