i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
