My hand turned me down
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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