Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
