So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
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