can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
