Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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