Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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