she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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