Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
