i'm signing you up for texting rehab
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
