$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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