Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
