Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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