she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
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