I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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