he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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