you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
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