I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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