I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize