i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
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