how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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