we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize