i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
