I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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