I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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