Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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