Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I understand Curling. That high.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
