Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
