Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
