I faked an abortion last night.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
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