God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize