two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
