I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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