i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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