Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
