i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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