the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize
