Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
