Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
