when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
