I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
