Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Randomize