hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
