3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
