So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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