Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize
