we're blogging at a bar
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
