You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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