you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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