oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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