Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
