this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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