You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Randomize
