Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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