shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
