i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
