fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
