Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Randomize
